Ok, so I skipped a week. Just couldn't find the motivation to blog. With the loss by the Vikings, I found myself lost. Now what? No more football? The one thing I look forward to on the weekends was my Sunday football. Nevertheless, my weekend and weeks have been crazy busy.
My son celebrated his 11th birthday with a party followed by soccer. Tons of fun but exhausting. My Sunday of relaxation turned into a stressed out affair with the nail biting Vikings vs. Saints game. Then back to the daily grind of the week.
School of course is a place that I thrive. Studying change theory in one class and developing a project plan for a website in another. Yep! I will have my own website. Starting with something small. A simple family site where immediate family and select friends can log on and see the happenings of the Brown Clan from Kansas. Still working on a catchy name. Now my mom can keep up-to-date with everyone and not stress about being on MySpace. If this web site is successful then I might venture to create a more public one for all my Fx peeps. We'll have to see.
Alot more is mov'n and shak'n with where I'm at and where I'm going. I have some critical decisions to make regarding my role in life. Just don't know if I'm ready to take on so much responsibility. I've always wanted to be an important player within this area and provide the leadership and support needed. Just now that the opportunity has presented itself, not quite sure if I'm ready. Be careful what you wish for.
As we move into our 6 month of deployment, I find that emotionally I'm back at Day 1. It seems not be getting easier , but harder and more stressful. I'm sadden by the loneliness. Will is ever come to an end? The kids are even feeling the strain. They show it in different ways through poetry, drawings, little sayings. I guess that is their mode for handling it.
To my honey, we all miss you very much. Skype no longer can compensate for you not being with us. I'm ready for this to be done. Still not sure about my decision. I so afraid that I will fail or not be able to handle what needs to be accomplished. The "What if" keeps me from taking that leap of faith. We're all trudging forward one step at a time. Love you lots.
Play Safe, Play Smart.
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Edge of Insanity - Deployment Daze 116
Now that we have entered a new year, I don't feel the excitement of new opportunities, new experiences. The last two weeks of December were so calm and peaceful. A wonderful transition into January. Now I struggle with feeling of dread. Something is off balance and I can't quiet pin point what it is. Depression, irritation, anxiety all rear their ugly head. Just the other night, I woke up at 5 am and could not go back to sleep. The anxiety was unbearable. I don't know what's up???
I feel as if I am balancing on the edge of a cliff. I need to get across for on the other side is contentment, peace, satisfaction. I can't find the crossing. Franticly I run back and forth along the edge. One fatal slip could end it all, but the pressure to cross is too great to stop. It is frustrating to say the least.
Could it be the stress of deployment settling in again? The hype of the holidays being such a milestone have left me unprepared for the months after. I guess I thought if I could make it through the holidays it would be downhill from there. Well there are still several months to go and it is still the same. Nothing is any easier, better, faster, etc. Time still moves in 24 hour periods.
I had to return to work which also contributes to frustration. I feel trapped by my stubborn need for the almighty $$$. My fear of not having some type of consistent income drive me to endure a meaningless job that lacks challenge and growth. How do people do it? Deep down though, I know that my ultimate dream is to be at home. Susie Homemaker for me. Something that I feel I was denied to even think about as a child. Maybe those past regrets are haunting me now.
I don't know what 2010 will bring. Right now it doesn't feel right.
To my honey, I'm sorry if I have been irritable lately. I miss you very much. The weather is getting old with all the damn snow and cold. I absolutely love my treadmill. I have been using it every day. And to think that I put it together. That was an interesting experience. I can't wait till you get home for RnR. Also, I have been looking into a football trip for next season. Vikings and Cowboys in MN at the Mall of America. Wouldn't that be a blast? This Sunday though, I'll be watching the Vikings kick Cowboy's ass. GO VIKINGS!
Play Safe, Play Smart
I feel as if I am balancing on the edge of a cliff. I need to get across for on the other side is contentment, peace, satisfaction. I can't find the crossing. Franticly I run back and forth along the edge. One fatal slip could end it all, but the pressure to cross is too great to stop. It is frustrating to say the least.
Could it be the stress of deployment settling in again? The hype of the holidays being such a milestone have left me unprepared for the months after. I guess I thought if I could make it through the holidays it would be downhill from there. Well there are still several months to go and it is still the same. Nothing is any easier, better, faster, etc. Time still moves in 24 hour periods.
I had to return to work which also contributes to frustration. I feel trapped by my stubborn need for the almighty $$$. My fear of not having some type of consistent income drive me to endure a meaningless job that lacks challenge and growth. How do people do it? Deep down though, I know that my ultimate dream is to be at home. Susie Homemaker for me. Something that I feel I was denied to even think about as a child. Maybe those past regrets are haunting me now.
I don't know what 2010 will bring. Right now it doesn't feel right.
To my honey, I'm sorry if I have been irritable lately. I miss you very much. The weather is getting old with all the damn snow and cold. I absolutely love my treadmill. I have been using it every day. And to think that I put it together. That was an interesting experience. I can't wait till you get home for RnR. Also, I have been looking into a football trip for next season. Vikings and Cowboys in MN at the Mall of America. Wouldn't that be a blast? This Sunday though, I'll be watching the Vikings kick Cowboy's ass. GO VIKINGS!
Play Safe, Play Smart
Saturday, December 5, 2009
School Crazy - Deployment Daze 80
Two more weeks and schools out....Yeah!!! It is wonderful in so many ways. No classes, no work. Nothing but R&R. The past week has been stressful. A college campus is not the place to be as Christmas approaches. Too many stressed out individuals. I feel the pain as well. My final project and paper had me at wits end. Now that I have completed that assignment I can focus on enjoying the Christmas season.
I had the best weekend. A trip to Topeka for a day of shopping with my best bud was a welcome relief. I think I have been too secluded and locked up. Completely focused on school and nothing else. I did not have enough time at the mall to really get my fix, so weather permitting, I'll have to take another trip to the city.
My weekend was dampened a little by Steelers and Vikings loss in football. Not to mention I may lose this week in fantasy football. I was doing so well. C'es la vie. Luckily I will still be ranked number one and going to the playoffs. It's so much fun to beat a bunch of guys.
Christmas is fast approaching and it will be an interesting end to the year. I do believe this will be a year I am glad to see pass.
To my honey, the weather is getting cold and snowy here. I had a great time shopping. Thank you for the wonderful coat. I sent you a package of goodies. Mason started soccer and loves it. His coaches are tough so he will learn a lot. They focus on ball handling and control. We all miss you. Tux doesn't like going outside anymore so we have to wrap him up in a sweater and coat to keep him warm.
Play Safe, Play Smart
I had the best weekend. A trip to Topeka for a day of shopping with my best bud was a welcome relief. I think I have been too secluded and locked up. Completely focused on school and nothing else. I did not have enough time at the mall to really get my fix, so weather permitting, I'll have to take another trip to the city.
My weekend was dampened a little by Steelers and Vikings loss in football. Not to mention I may lose this week in fantasy football. I was doing so well. C'es la vie. Luckily I will still be ranked number one and going to the playoffs. It's so much fun to beat a bunch of guys.
Christmas is fast approaching and it will be an interesting end to the year. I do believe this will be a year I am glad to see pass.
To my honey, the weather is getting cold and snowy here. I had a great time shopping. Thank you for the wonderful coat. I sent you a package of goodies. Mason started soccer and loves it. His coaches are tough so he will learn a lot. They focus on ball handling and control. We all miss you. Tux doesn't like going outside anymore so we have to wrap him up in a sweater and coat to keep him warm.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Holiday Cheer - Deployment Daze 74
The holidays are here and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I have had moments of sadness, anger, joy, and numbness. As Thanksgiving approached, I was dreading the long drive to Oklahoma. I was feeling extremely overwhelmed with school work, holiday preparations, etc. My anxiety level was off the charts. I wanted to stay home, alone, and bury myself under the covers. The last thing I wanted to do was drive to Oklahoma and spend Thanksgiving with friends.
As the week progressed and the time for reckoning drew near, I began to feel angry and hateful. Thanksgiving was becoming the holiday that I hated and would never celebrate again. I use to love the holiday season. Thanksgiving through to New Years was my favorite time. I never understood why people hated the holidays. I began to understand. My past Thanksgiving was horrible. This year was headed in that direction.
You see, as I get older, I am getting more selfish with where I spend my time. I don't want to spend my time on stupid, pointless, boring, miserable stuff. My time is precious to me and I want to spend it with people and things that are important. So the idea of 6 hours on the road was not appealing.
The day came to hit the road and I was at wits end. There was no getting out of it. People were depending on me to deliver. So I hit the road in a not too pleasant mood. As the miles rolled on my mood did not improve. I hated Thanksgiving more and more. Here I was wasting time on the road. Then we hit bumper to bumper traffic because some dumbass wanted to be stupid and had a wreck. As I sat there in traffic I kept asking myself "Why?". Why was I doing this if it was creating such misery? Why didn't I tell everyone I wasn't making the drive? Why? Because I'm reliable. I don't bail on people. I take the hit for the team. So there I sat in traffic, miserable.
The time crawled by and my thoughts continued to darken. As my 6 hour drive turned into 9 hours I was grateful just to have reached my destination. I was greeted by my friend and welcomed into their beautiful home on the lake. The negative and miserable feelings melted away as I passed through the door. I don't know what it is but their home has a calming effect. It must be filled with magic. I always feel warm and safe there. Thanksgiving turned out to be wonderful. I had the best time. I finally met all the family I had heard so much about. They were a blast. I am thankful for being able to have Thanksgiving with them. The drive home was uneventful and much more pleasant.
The happy experience saved Thanksgiving for me. I'm still upset about the users in my life. Sick of being treating like crap and then being asked to help as if nothing is wrong. I am tired of giving to hateful, ungrateful, greedy individuals who do nothing but take. My days of charity are over. My time will be spent on the people who matter.
I still love the holidays. Thanks to some amazing people. I have a handle on my final project due in two weeks, the house is ready for Christmas, and I am ready to enjoy my favorite time of year.
To my honey, missed you so much this Thanksgiving. Everyone wished you well and were extremely grateful for your service. They mentioned you in prayer which of course made me cry. Tux had an outstanding time with all the new people to meet and puppies to play with. Everyone loved him. I will have pics and a video for you soon. Weather is really nice here. I thought about you as I watched people dressed in hunting gear. Hunting would have been amazing with the weather being so warm. Hopefully you'll be home next year for Thanksgiving and we'll have to decide where to spend it. We've been invited back out to the lake so everyone can meet you. Then there is Cali and Arkansas. It will be a tough decision unless we're creative and can fit it all in. HA! Love you!
Play Safe, Play Smart
As the week progressed and the time for reckoning drew near, I began to feel angry and hateful. Thanksgiving was becoming the holiday that I hated and would never celebrate again. I use to love the holiday season. Thanksgiving through to New Years was my favorite time. I never understood why people hated the holidays. I began to understand. My past Thanksgiving was horrible. This year was headed in that direction.
You see, as I get older, I am getting more selfish with where I spend my time. I don't want to spend my time on stupid, pointless, boring, miserable stuff. My time is precious to me and I want to spend it with people and things that are important. So the idea of 6 hours on the road was not appealing.
The day came to hit the road and I was at wits end. There was no getting out of it. People were depending on me to deliver. So I hit the road in a not too pleasant mood. As the miles rolled on my mood did not improve. I hated Thanksgiving more and more. Here I was wasting time on the road. Then we hit bumper to bumper traffic because some dumbass wanted to be stupid and had a wreck. As I sat there in traffic I kept asking myself "Why?". Why was I doing this if it was creating such misery? Why didn't I tell everyone I wasn't making the drive? Why? Because I'm reliable. I don't bail on people. I take the hit for the team. So there I sat in traffic, miserable.
The time crawled by and my thoughts continued to darken. As my 6 hour drive turned into 9 hours I was grateful just to have reached my destination. I was greeted by my friend and welcomed into their beautiful home on the lake. The negative and miserable feelings melted away as I passed through the door. I don't know what it is but their home has a calming effect. It must be filled with magic. I always feel warm and safe there. Thanksgiving turned out to be wonderful. I had the best time. I finally met all the family I had heard so much about. They were a blast. I am thankful for being able to have Thanksgiving with them. The drive home was uneventful and much more pleasant.
The happy experience saved Thanksgiving for me. I'm still upset about the users in my life. Sick of being treating like crap and then being asked to help as if nothing is wrong. I am tired of giving to hateful, ungrateful, greedy individuals who do nothing but take. My days of charity are over. My time will be spent on the people who matter.
I still love the holidays. Thanks to some amazing people. I have a handle on my final project due in two weeks, the house is ready for Christmas, and I am ready to enjoy my favorite time of year.
To my honey, missed you so much this Thanksgiving. Everyone wished you well and were extremely grateful for your service. They mentioned you in prayer which of course made me cry. Tux had an outstanding time with all the new people to meet and puppies to play with. Everyone loved him. I will have pics and a video for you soon. Weather is really nice here. I thought about you as I watched people dressed in hunting gear. Hunting would have been amazing with the weather being so warm. Hopefully you'll be home next year for Thanksgiving and we'll have to decide where to spend it. We've been invited back out to the lake so everyone can meet you. Then there is Cali and Arkansas. It will be a tough decision unless we're creative and can fit it all in. HA! Love you!
Play Safe, Play Smart
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Itchy Sweater - Deployment Daze 66
Number 1 baby! That's right I am sitting in first place in fantasy football. Thanks to the guys who won when they needed to and beat my competition. Couldn't have done it without you.
This week I have been a bit overwhelmed with all the little things. I have my two final projects due for class in December. Feeling the pressure to get them started. Also, trying to get appointments scheduled for dentist, eyes, etc. before the end of the year. Just seems like the days go by too fast to get everything accomplished. Yet at the same time the days drag in relation to deployment. It doesn't seem like we're any closer to him coming home.
I pulled out all of the Christmas decorations and started decorating the tree and house. It is a much more scaled down version then when the man is home. I put up a small bunch of lights outside with the help of a neighbor. The difficulties of being short, you know. There are only a handful of decorations around the house. The tree is the only thing that is getting the normal attention. This year it is a Red, White and Blue theme to show our patriotism. Mini-Brian will be the tree topper. It is coming along. The kids and I should have it finished by Sunday. I love Christmas and decorating. So why am I not in a good mood. I should be happy. I'm not. I'm pissed. What's my problem?
I'm getting to the end of my patience with this whole deployment thing. It irritates me. Like an itchy sweater. You know, the longer you wear it the more irritating it becomes and then anger sets in. You just want to rip the sweater off. Well, what do you do when you can't take the sweater off? Your skin is raw from the irritation and there is no relief. You know the sweater will come off eventually, but that doesn't really matter. It's not only the sweater itself, but when you have to wear it that is the most irritating. Going through this deployment now is like wearing the itchy sweater during the hottest part of summer. Completely unbearable. It's frustrating to not celebrate, your birthday, Thanksgiving, Anniversary, Christmas, son's birthday or daughter's Sweet 16 like you normally would. It is especially irritating because all the events happen with a couple of weeks of each other. So it is a constant reminder that I'm missing out on the things that bring me joy. That even though those events take place there is something wrong, something irritating. A reminder that I'm wearing a damn itchy sweater.
To my honey, as the kids and I decorated the tree, I realized how important you are to us. Your absence leaves a large void. Christmas just won't be the same without you. No lights on the roof. No one to bring up the boxes from the basement. No one to put the ornaments up high on the tree. Just kidding! I really do miss your company. We would have so much fun shopping for the kids. Arguing about how the lights should look on the outside of the house. Opening up our anniversary gifts on Christmas Eve. Oh! and spending way too much on more Christmas ornaments that we don't need. All because we want to do a different theme for the tree. Wish you could come home soon.
Play Safe, Play Smart
This week I have been a bit overwhelmed with all the little things. I have my two final projects due for class in December. Feeling the pressure to get them started. Also, trying to get appointments scheduled for dentist, eyes, etc. before the end of the year. Just seems like the days go by too fast to get everything accomplished. Yet at the same time the days drag in relation to deployment. It doesn't seem like we're any closer to him coming home.
I pulled out all of the Christmas decorations and started decorating the tree and house. It is a much more scaled down version then when the man is home. I put up a small bunch of lights outside with the help of a neighbor. The difficulties of being short, you know. There are only a handful of decorations around the house. The tree is the only thing that is getting the normal attention. This year it is a Red, White and Blue theme to show our patriotism. Mini-Brian will be the tree topper. It is coming along. The kids and I should have it finished by Sunday. I love Christmas and decorating. So why am I not in a good mood. I should be happy. I'm not. I'm pissed. What's my problem?
I'm getting to the end of my patience with this whole deployment thing. It irritates me. Like an itchy sweater. You know, the longer you wear it the more irritating it becomes and then anger sets in. You just want to rip the sweater off. Well, what do you do when you can't take the sweater off? Your skin is raw from the irritation and there is no relief. You know the sweater will come off eventually, but that doesn't really matter. It's not only the sweater itself, but when you have to wear it that is the most irritating. Going through this deployment now is like wearing the itchy sweater during the hottest part of summer. Completely unbearable. It's frustrating to not celebrate, your birthday, Thanksgiving, Anniversary, Christmas, son's birthday or daughter's Sweet 16 like you normally would. It is especially irritating because all the events happen with a couple of weeks of each other. So it is a constant reminder that I'm missing out on the things that bring me joy. That even though those events take place there is something wrong, something irritating. A reminder that I'm wearing a damn itchy sweater.
To my honey, as the kids and I decorated the tree, I realized how important you are to us. Your absence leaves a large void. Christmas just won't be the same without you. No lights on the roof. No one to bring up the boxes from the basement. No one to put the ornaments up high on the tree. Just kidding! I really do miss your company. We would have so much fun shopping for the kids. Arguing about how the lights should look on the outside of the house. Opening up our anniversary gifts on Christmas Eve. Oh! and spending way too much on more Christmas ornaments that we don't need. All because we want to do a different theme for the tree. Wish you could come home soon.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Saturday, November 14, 2009
2nd Verse Same as the 1st - Deployment Daze 59
Hmmmm! What to blog about this week? Nothing too dramatic happened this week. Had a relaxing Sunday watching football and getting a day older. Steelers won their game. YEAH! I won in fantasy football so I'm now second in the league. Hahahah! The rest of the week went smoothly.
I'm staying busy with school. Continually surprising myself with the work I'm submitting. I currently carry a 100% in both my graduate classes. I must be doing something right. The professor has asked permission to use some of my projects as examples for next semester's classes. I am learning so much. There are so many really cool web tools available. I'm really becoming a web 2.0 junkie.
This weekend the kids and I saw the movie 2012. I was surprised by how much I really enjoyed this movie. It was more than just your basic disaster movie. (by the way, I love disaster movies.) The special effects were fabulous. The story line was more than I thought it would be. I'm not going to say too much about the movie because that would ruin it. You have to go into it with a fresh mind and enjoy the journey. Take tissue though. There are some moments that are heart wrenching. Afterwards, I was sad because I really wanted to share the experience with my husband. We enjoy going to the movies together and talking about them afterwards. I miss him so. I really done with this deployment thing.
I finished out my week with cleaning and laundry. Tomorrow of course is football. A big game for me in the fantasy league. I could end up 1st. We'll see.
To my honey, I missed having you at the movies with me. It is amazing how so many things lose their excitement when your other half isn't there to share it. This holiday season is going to suck. I sent you another package with Christmas gifts in it. I hope you enjoy what I got you. I have a few things here waiting for you when you come home. I still plan on putting up the tree. We'll take video and pics so you can enjoy too. Our house will be somewhat dark since you won't be here to put lights on the roof. I think we'll go see A Christmas Carol (3D) next. Getting into the spirit. Which means more shopping...Yippee!
Play Safe, Play Smart
I'm staying busy with school. Continually surprising myself with the work I'm submitting. I currently carry a 100% in both my graduate classes. I must be doing something right. The professor has asked permission to use some of my projects as examples for next semester's classes. I am learning so much. There are so many really cool web tools available. I'm really becoming a web 2.0 junkie.
This weekend the kids and I saw the movie 2012. I was surprised by how much I really enjoyed this movie. It was more than just your basic disaster movie. (by the way, I love disaster movies.) The special effects were fabulous. The story line was more than I thought it would be. I'm not going to say too much about the movie because that would ruin it. You have to go into it with a fresh mind and enjoy the journey. Take tissue though. There are some moments that are heart wrenching. Afterwards, I was sad because I really wanted to share the experience with my husband. We enjoy going to the movies together and talking about them afterwards. I miss him so. I really done with this deployment thing.
I finished out my week with cleaning and laundry. Tomorrow of course is football. A big game for me in the fantasy league. I could end up 1st. We'll see.
To my honey, I missed having you at the movies with me. It is amazing how so many things lose their excitement when your other half isn't there to share it. This holiday season is going to suck. I sent you another package with Christmas gifts in it. I hope you enjoy what I got you. I have a few things here waiting for you when you come home. I still plan on putting up the tree. We'll take video and pics so you can enjoy too. Our house will be somewhat dark since you won't be here to put lights on the roof. I think we'll go see A Christmas Carol (3D) next. Getting into the spirit. Which means more shopping...Yippee!
Play Safe, Play Smart
Saturday, November 7, 2009
It's Good to be Bored - Deployment Daze 52
This week has been an interesting one to say the least. It is my birthday week. Yes, you read it right. MY BIRTHDAY WEEK. My birthday is tomorrow, however, I get the whole week to celebrate and be treated like the birthday princess. My family says I only get a day, but in my world it is a week.
Unfortunately this week has not been as light and as carefree as I would have liked it to be. It started off great with amazing football last Sunday. Vikings beat Green Bay. I win in fantasy football. I'm ranked third in the league so I have the boys quaking in their cleats. I saw the movie This is It with my daughter. An amazing film that truly showed the musical genius of Michael Jackson. His concert was going to be breathtaking and amazing. Not a bad start to my birthday week.
As the week progressed, I was looking forward to my son's school performance and a busy weekend with kids and friends all culminating into a Sunday birthday full of football.
Then the middle of the week hit and the world stopped. News came to us that a Ft. Riley soldier had been killed. Within that same day, news of the mass shooting at Ft Hood is aired. This is also the day of my son's performance.
On this same day we go to my son's school for his performance. My son joins the other students and the performance begins. As I look around the gym everyone is happy and joyful watching the children sing. It is at this moment I feel a pang of guilt and sadness. Realizing that while we are enjoying this moment, there are others who are struggling for their lives or worse mourning the death of loved ones.
The reality hits me how precariously close we are to the edge. The event of those two days could have been about me. You see I had become complacent, comfortable in the fact that not much was going on where my husband was. We talk every day. See each other every day. Talk about trivial things. I would ask him what he had been doing and he would reply not much. I got comfortable in the "not much." I felt secure in the nothing. I was even getting bored with it and so was he.
After the past few days, I've realized that there is nothing wrong with nothing. That "not much" is a whole lot of something. It is a whole lot of good, calm, peace, and security. Not much means no one died. Not much means life as usual. Not much means no tragedy, no drama. When your life is good than "not much" is a good thing.
Being bored can be a blessing. Because the alternative might not be what you had hoped for.
To my honey, thank you for the wonderful birthday gifts. My flowers are beautiful. I love getting flowers from you. My pjs and hoody are the best. I'll be wearing them when the Vikings win the Superbowl. I am having a good birthday week. Yes, a WEEK! I noticed that on one of my calendars, Sunday is the beginning of the week. Since my birthday is on Sunday, I will continue to celebrate my birthday week until next Saturday. Yeah more shopping for me....
Play Safe, Play Smart
Unfortunately this week has not been as light and as carefree as I would have liked it to be. It started off great with amazing football last Sunday. Vikings beat Green Bay. I win in fantasy football. I'm ranked third in the league so I have the boys quaking in their cleats. I saw the movie This is It with my daughter. An amazing film that truly showed the musical genius of Michael Jackson. His concert was going to be breathtaking and amazing. Not a bad start to my birthday week.
As the week progressed, I was looking forward to my son's school performance and a busy weekend with kids and friends all culminating into a Sunday birthday full of football.
Then the middle of the week hit and the world stopped. News came to us that a Ft. Riley soldier had been killed. Within that same day, news of the mass shooting at Ft Hood is aired. This is also the day of my son's performance.
On this same day we go to my son's school for his performance. My son joins the other students and the performance begins. As I look around the gym everyone is happy and joyful watching the children sing. It is at this moment I feel a pang of guilt and sadness. Realizing that while we are enjoying this moment, there are others who are struggling for their lives or worse mourning the death of loved ones.
The reality hits me how precariously close we are to the edge. The event of those two days could have been about me. You see I had become complacent, comfortable in the fact that not much was going on where my husband was. We talk every day. See each other every day. Talk about trivial things. I would ask him what he had been doing and he would reply not much. I got comfortable in the "not much." I felt secure in the nothing. I was even getting bored with it and so was he.
After the past few days, I've realized that there is nothing wrong with nothing. That "not much" is a whole lot of something. It is a whole lot of good, calm, peace, and security. Not much means no one died. Not much means life as usual. Not much means no tragedy, no drama. When your life is good than "not much" is a good thing.
Being bored can be a blessing. Because the alternative might not be what you had hoped for.
To my honey, thank you for the wonderful birthday gifts. My flowers are beautiful. I love getting flowers from you. My pjs and hoody are the best. I'll be wearing them when the Vikings win the Superbowl. I am having a good birthday week. Yes, a WEEK! I noticed that on one of my calendars, Sunday is the beginning of the week. Since my birthday is on Sunday, I will continue to celebrate my birthday week until next Saturday. Yeah more shopping for me....
Play Safe, Play Smart
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Slow as Molasses in Winter - Deployment Daze 38
Things have been slowing down a bit. The cold weather seems to put everything into slow motion. I know I have been a little lazy and unmotivated. I believe I'm going into hibernation. Who want to go out in the biting cold wind. Not me! Give me a blanket, couch and TV. However, the trees are so beautiful right now. The yellows, golds and reds are amazing. I guess I have to give Kansas credit for that. It has beautiful landscapes.
This weekend has brought a mix of emotions. It is the first weekend completely by myself. I find the silence both relaxing and lonely. I am thankful for the time to concentrate on my paper that is due next week. However, this solitude feeds the unmotivated hibernation monster that lurks within me. Without the kids to keep me on my toes, I find myself wandering around without a purpose. Just last weekend they forced me out of the house to go watch Crazy With a Chance of Meatballs. It was an enjoyable movie. Although it made me not want to eat for a while.
Mostly I am just going through the motions. Day in, day out. Like I said the weather plays a big part in all this. However not having my hubby to do things with makes its mark as well. For example, I was so excited when I heard the Pittsburg Steelers were coming to Kansas City. I thought how fun would that be? Not much right now. If the man were here we would be going in a heartbeat. With him gone, just doesn't seem all that exciting. I guess it is merely laziness. I just don't want to put the effort in at this point.
My school work is going strong. I am carrying a 4.0 in both of my graduate courses. Many of my assignments will be used for examples for the next classes. I am surprised because half the time I don't think I know what the hell I'm talking about. I guess I do. Imagine that?!
As usual my exciting moment is Sunday football. If you could hear me during the games you would think I had either won the lottery or lost everything depending on the moment. But hey, my Vikings are still undefeated and Steelers won their game. To top it off, I kicked some major bootie in fantasy football with 186 points. If I had taken some risks I could have easily broke 200. Maybe next time. So I beat all the guys for that weekend. The Vikings and Steelers play each other tomorrow so that will be an interesting experience for me, cheering and cursing myself.
To my hubby, days are getting longer and it seems we are no closer to the end. It is getting colder here which means I am wearing my warm pjs and slippers in front of the fire. Tux of course hates to go outside now. Like me, all he wants to do is lay in front of the fire. The kids are doing well and miss you. You should be receiving a letter soon. Our roof still leaks eventhough they said they fixed it. The roofer is suppose to come again. Everything else is going good on the homefront. I don't know which shirt to wear for football tomorrow, Vikings or Steelers? Maybe I'll wear one the first half and the other the second half. Love you and talk with soon on Skype.
Play Safe, Play Smart
This weekend has brought a mix of emotions. It is the first weekend completely by myself. I find the silence both relaxing and lonely. I am thankful for the time to concentrate on my paper that is due next week. However, this solitude feeds the unmotivated hibernation monster that lurks within me. Without the kids to keep me on my toes, I find myself wandering around without a purpose. Just last weekend they forced me out of the house to go watch Crazy With a Chance of Meatballs. It was an enjoyable movie. Although it made me not want to eat for a while.
Mostly I am just going through the motions. Day in, day out. Like I said the weather plays a big part in all this. However not having my hubby to do things with makes its mark as well. For example, I was so excited when I heard the Pittsburg Steelers were coming to Kansas City. I thought how fun would that be? Not much right now. If the man were here we would be going in a heartbeat. With him gone, just doesn't seem all that exciting. I guess it is merely laziness. I just don't want to put the effort in at this point.
My school work is going strong. I am carrying a 4.0 in both of my graduate courses. Many of my assignments will be used for examples for the next classes. I am surprised because half the time I don't think I know what the hell I'm talking about. I guess I do. Imagine that?!
As usual my exciting moment is Sunday football. If you could hear me during the games you would think I had either won the lottery or lost everything depending on the moment. But hey, my Vikings are still undefeated and Steelers won their game. To top it off, I kicked some major bootie in fantasy football with 186 points. If I had taken some risks I could have easily broke 200. Maybe next time. So I beat all the guys for that weekend. The Vikings and Steelers play each other tomorrow so that will be an interesting experience for me, cheering and cursing myself.
To my hubby, days are getting longer and it seems we are no closer to the end. It is getting colder here which means I am wearing my warm pjs and slippers in front of the fire. Tux of course hates to go outside now. Like me, all he wants to do is lay in front of the fire. The kids are doing well and miss you. You should be receiving a letter soon. Our roof still leaks eventhough they said they fixed it. The roofer is suppose to come again. Everything else is going good on the homefront. I don't know which shirt to wear for football tomorrow, Vikings or Steelers? Maybe I'll wear one the first half and the other the second half. Love you and talk with soon on Skype.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Friday, October 16, 2009
Like Crazy - Deployment Daze 30
It's day 30, a month into deployment. It's been a week since I wrote. The days are beginning to meld one into the other. At times I can't tell where one has ended and the other begins. The weather is changing. It is colder now and the leaves have turned to golds and bronzes. We have had several straight days of gloomy, rainy, weather. I find those days particularly hard. It seems with the coming of winter, I find myself lost in a melancholy mood. Not really motivated to accomplish anything. Nothing seems worth my time.
Recently I have been questioning my decision to return to school. Although I find my studies interesting, I am overwhelmed by the scope of what I'm doing. Can I really achieve my PhD? What will I be able to do? Can I really apply what I'm studying and make a difference?
It seems as if my whole life right now is focused on the future and that future is so far away. A year for deployment to end. Two years for a Master's degree. Another two for a Doctorate. It is so massive.
I have a few rays of light in my weeks. Chatting with my hubby is always the highlight of my day. Next to that is Sunday Football. Believe it or not, my fantasy football league keeps me going through the week. I look forward to every Sunday. I don't know what I'll do once football season is over.
To my honey, I enjoy being able to see and talk with you every day. Fantasy football has been so much fun. Even when I let you win last week, it was fun. Can you believe it, Vikings undefeated. How is Dallas again?? All is good here as you know. Homework has mellowed out a little so I have some down time. I don't think that is a good thing for me. It has led to some depressed moments. Anyway, we hit our one month mark. It seems like longer than that and yet it's not long enough to get you closer to home. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy. Does this usually happen at one month? Love you,
Play Safe, Play Smart
Recently I have been questioning my decision to return to school. Although I find my studies interesting, I am overwhelmed by the scope of what I'm doing. Can I really achieve my PhD? What will I be able to do? Can I really apply what I'm studying and make a difference?
It seems as if my whole life right now is focused on the future and that future is so far away. A year for deployment to end. Two years for a Master's degree. Another two for a Doctorate. It is so massive.
I have a few rays of light in my weeks. Chatting with my hubby is always the highlight of my day. Next to that is Sunday Football. Believe it or not, my fantasy football league keeps me going through the week. I look forward to every Sunday. I don't know what I'll do once football season is over.
To my honey, I enjoy being able to see and talk with you every day. Fantasy football has been so much fun. Even when I let you win last week, it was fun. Can you believe it, Vikings undefeated. How is Dallas again?? All is good here as you know. Homework has mellowed out a little so I have some down time. I don't think that is a good thing for me. It has led to some depressed moments. Anyway, we hit our one month mark. It seems like longer than that and yet it's not long enough to get you closer to home. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy. Does this usually happen at one month? Love you,
Play Safe, Play Smart
Monday, October 5, 2009
Grid Iron - Deployment Daze 19
I enjoyed a day at home. Spent most of time surfing the internet looking for resources for my class project. It is on the Middle East. I learned so much about their culture. Makes me wonder...HMMM! What's the point of all this? Chatted with my hubby and waited...
Waited for clock to strike 7:30 pm.
Monday night football and Vikings are playing the Packers. How great is that? So far it has been a close game with lots of excitement. The Vikings have to win. I'm on pins and needles. At half-time the Vikings lead by a touchdown. (EEEEE!!)
Life seems to be getting to some kind of normalcy. Will see what the week holds.
To my honey, Vikings are going to the SuperBowl baby. It is getting cool here. I think fall has landed. I sent your package today so you should get it soon. Thanks for the pics. Keep the coming. I love to see where you're at.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Waited for clock to strike 7:30 pm.
Monday night football and Vikings are playing the Packers. How great is that? So far it has been a close game with lots of excitement. The Vikings have to win. I'm on pins and needles. At half-time the Vikings lead by a touchdown. (EEEEE!!)
Life seems to be getting to some kind of normalcy. Will see what the week holds.
To my honey, Vikings are going to the SuperBowl baby. It is getting cool here. I think fall has landed. I sent your package today so you should get it soon. Thanks for the pics. Keep the coming. I love to see where you're at.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
