The End - Deployment Daze 331

IT'S OVER......That's right. Deployment has ended and hubby is home.

Redeployment ceremony was at 4:00 AM last Friday morning...whoa was that early.  It was very difficult to get any sleep that night.  Just a few moments here and there of dozing off.  Nevertheless, kids and I were awake (barely) and ready to end this journey. The ceremony was thankfully very short and we were reunited and headed home within an hour or so.

Since then it has been a whirlwind of activity.  We have been out to eat, on the lake, overnight trip to KC, and shopping like crazy.  I love that my hubby likes to shop and has great taste in clothing.  He is my personal stylist.  It has been great having him home.  At times it feels like it never happened.

There have been a few adjustments.  Finding clothes all over the floor has been an annoying yet comforting addition.  I now have to get back into the routine of cooking dinners again and fighting for my place in the bed.  Oh and the age old struggle of too hot or too cold.  I like it warm, he likes it cold so out come the blankets and sweaters.  It's all good though.

Everyone gives advice on the best way to cope with deployment.  All I can say is you get through it the best way you can.  As in life, everyone is on their own journey.  The advice and stories from others are great information, yet didn't always help or apply to me.

"Stay busy and the year will fly by," was probably the number one recommendation.  Well I was plenty busy with two teenagers, a part-time job, and graduate school. It didn't make the time go by any faster.  It was still approximately one year and it felt like it.  In fact, I believe that being busy made it worse.  There were times when I was so overwhelmed that it made the loneliness of deployment that much more obvious.  So balance is the key.  Busy enough not to be bored and lonely, yet not so overwhelmed that you feel like your drowning and no one is there to save you.

I did many things that supposedly you shouldn't do during deployment.  I watched the news.  Something we were repeatedly told is not a good idea.  Well, I'm a fairly intelligent person and I watch the news because I am interested in what is happening in the world. It kept me informed about what was going on.  However, I was also not naive enough to think that everything I heard or read was all there was to the story.  I pulled information from a variety of sources and discussed with my hubby.  I educated myself on the region he was in so that when a story was reported I was able to make a intelligent assessment. For me not knowing is worse so I stayed informed as best I could.

My hubby and I discussed many things.  If something was wrong or there were problems, I talked to him about it just like I would have if he was home.  I involved him as much as possible so he still felt connected and a part of the family.  He would talk to me about things that bothered him.  That is how we are and it works for us.  I think it helped make the transition home easier.  There weren't any surprises. We both knew what we had gone through.

Although I didn't always follow the advice of seasoned spouses or military personnel, I got through it. At times it was very difficult.  At times easy. I am thankful that he was stationed on a base where we had constant communication.  Thank God for the technology today that allowed us to talk and see each other daily.  That, I know, made all the difference in the world.

As for the rest, it's all about knowing you, your soldier, and your family and what fits best within that dynamic. Listen to the advice of others, take what you need and leave the rest. So I end with this to sum up my deployment experience:

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all
And I stood tall and did it my way


To my honey,  Welcome home!

Only Way Out is Through - Deployment Daze 323

The final day is here.  I woke up this morning and immediately checked my email and the virtual FRG site.  No changes.  No phone calls.  Facebook statuses....normal.  Everything is going ahead as scheduled.  Ran some errands and came home to.....Facebook comments about delays and new calls from Rear-D.  Well crap!

So I check the virtual FRG website and my email, sure enough the times had changed.  Pushed back another two hours.  Disappointing to say the least.  Surprising? Not at all.  Seems to be a regular occurrence that the flights get delayed some way some how.  Still have not received an official phone call notifying me of the new time, and I'm now over half way through the day.  Without Facebook I wouldn't have even known there was a change.

Oh well, what's a girl to do?

The best part of the day was hearing from my hubby that he was boarding a plane home.  No one can prepare you for how that changes everything.  It finally is sinking in that in less than 24 hrs we will be reunited.  It is a weird feeling, full of excitement, impatience, anxiety, and stress.

These final hours are pure torture.  Checking websites every few minutes.  Waiting for phone calls.  Hoping you hear something and then praying you don't.  I've been told that the only way out is through.  So I go through the rest of day knowing that each hour brings me closer to the end.

To my honey, I will see you soon.

When Is It My Turn? - Deployment Daze 321

Finally!!!! Received the phone call today.  The wait has been excruciating.  Going into the last week waiting for some type of announcement, email, phone call, anything was driving me nuts.  Sure I talked with hubby and had an idea of what to expect.  However, getting the official call from "the powers-that-be" makes it real.  It is actually happening...and soon!

Wow!  This means that I'm close to ending this crazy journey called deployment.  It is hard for me to reflect on my experiences over the last year because the last few weeks have skewed my judgement.  So I'll save that for another time.  Right now, I wait and watch.

Watch the time tick slowly and the calendar days roll by.  I've been busy...however that hasn't helped make these last few days any easier.  I think this has been the hardest part.  It is frustrating to say the least.  Knowing that everyone is just waiting...soldier husband waiting for a flight....you waiting for a date and time...watching others celebrate redeployment.  I'm happy for them and yet there is that inner child screaming.."I want my turn!"  "When is it my turn?"  Then I feel guilty for sounding selfish.  Whew!  The emotions are running from one end of the spectrum to another. Guilt, excitement, anger, sadness, frustration, joy, laughter, humor..they're all here, like one big party in my head.

So I keep busy cleaning so the house looks nice.  Getting the dog groomed, boat cleaned, and his truck detailed..oh and the hair, nails, etc.  so everything looks good including me.  And still the time ticks slowly and the days roll by....

And I... wait... for my turn!

To my honey, Patience is not one of my virtues....

Redeployment Delirium - Deployment Daze 317

Don't mess with a woman on the edge!  What edge?  The edge of redeployment...which also means the edge of insanity.  What's wrong with me?  I have Redeployment Delirium.  It is a form of delirium brought on by the slow torture of waiting for your husband to redeploy home. 

Delirium: A temporary state of mental confusion. Characterized by anxiety, disorientation, hallucinations, delusions, and incoherent speech. A state of uncontrolled excitement or emotion.

I have experienced everyone of these symptoms.  I was wondering why my words, ringing clear in my head, would get all twisted up and come out a complete mess.  I sound like a blabbering idiot have the time.
The closer the possible return date approaches the worse the delirium becomes.  Although I don't feel anxious, there is a feeling of tension in the air.  I don't know how to explain it, except that there is a change in the energy surrounding me.  The kids feel it.  The dog senses it.  I notice that everyone is just a little on edge.  Tempers are shorter, emotions are higher and my dog is acting a fool.  It seems like there has been a shift in the cosmic force of the universe.

Of course what has led me to this state of mind is the damn Deployment Curse (Curses).  Everyday it is something. Some little thing that doesn't go just right.   If this deployment doesn't end soon my husband may have to come visit me in a psych ward (not a crazy house type, but more like a resort/spa type). Add to that the limbo that you are forced to endure as you wait.... and wait.... and wait for this unknown, date and time.  Knowing it is getting close, yet not knowing "officially" when.  No way to make plans.  No way to let anyone know.  No wonder we're all going crazy.

Sadly, there is no cure for this ailment.  No quick fix.  No pill.  It is has run it's course.  So I face everyday with hope and faith as each one brings me one step closer to the end.  Closer to normalcy.  Until then..... DON'T MESS WITH A WOMAN ON THE EDGE!!

To my honey, I'll let you know if my address has changed to the "Military Wives Nut House Resort and Spa".  When you get off the bus come get me, ok?

A Little Blasé - Deployment Daze 294

I received a notice from USPS today to come pick up a package.  I knew that this was the two boxes that my soldier husband had sent home.  Boxes full of stuff that made life more bearable in the sandbox.  He has moved to tent city which means redeployment is nearing.  Exciting right?  One would think so and yet...I'm blasé. So what exactly does that mean?

Blasé - having indulged so much as to be unexcited, satiated,bored, indifferent

That says it all.  I just want it done.  I'm tired of my life revolving around this all consuming event.  There is just nothing left to give to this thing call deployment.  No more tears, frustration, excitement, anticipation, joy, or any other emotion.

So as I look towards redeployment, I struggle to find the sense of excitement that would seem appropriate for such an occasion.  For me it is just one more thing between me and my man. I want to fast forward to the moment when I get to walk away with my husband and our life is not dictated by time zones, Internet speed, missions and missed phone calls.   When our moments together aren't crushed by the overloaded bandwidth and inconvenient dropped connections.  Which of course happens at the most critical moments.

Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to celebrate!  Just not within clutches of the beast.  I've had my fill of deployment and I'm ready to move on.  Ready to throw a party!  Just me, him and the kids.  And...Deployment is not  invited.

To my honey, as we near the final moments all I can think of is the drive home.  While other envision running and jumping into their spouses arms, I think about how I can snatch you from the evil beast and run away with you.  I wonder," Would they notice?"  "How much trouble would we be in?"  I guess it is ok to fantasize.  I know for you it is different.  I understand the importance of coming home and having the closure that only a redeployment ceremony can bring you.  And because of its importance to your transition from one world to the other, I will share you if only for a brief moment.  After that you're ALL MINE!