It Is What It Is - Deployment Daze 253

When is good enough, good enough?  Why is it so impossible for people to enjoy the successes?  Why can't a happy moment be just that?  And when did 100% mean that you weren't working to your potential?  REALLY??

I said in my description that my life is a roller coaster ride.  Well here is the drop after reaching the top.  I can't believe that no matter how much you do or how hard you work, it is never good enough.  That moments of success are met with either negativity or criticism.  The worse part is, it's from those closest to you.

Nothing is ever good enough.  There is always something that has to be improved upon.  Always something that needs to be solved.  Why?  I don't know. Probably because they have nothing better to do?

Well I'm done.  100% is what it is.  4.0 GPA is what it is.  Success is what it is.  Working your ass off so other can enjoy..well....If you don't think it is good enough then too bad.  It is what it is!

In Amazement - Deployment Daze 252

I have had the most amazing day ever!  To say it was perfect is an understatement.  It is amazing how the little things can make a day. I had a blast from the past and look to the future.  Today I found a long lost friend and my son was recognized by the president.  How cool is that?

I found my BFF from childhood today on Facebook and we got to talk.   I can't believe it.  It had been almost 30 years since we seen each other last.  The wonders of technology. It was so much fun.  Planning on going to visit her this summer.

This afternoon, my daughter and I attended my son's 5th grade graduation.  I can't believe he will be in middle school next year.  Well, we're sitting there enjoying the ceremony.  Listening to the various awards being handed out to him and other students.  The kids sang some songs and there was a cute presentation of all the activities from the whole year.  It was a great ceremony.  As it was coming close to the end, the principal announces that they are presenting the President's Award for Educational Excellence.  She explained the criteria and described the certificate signed by the President of the United States.  I'm thinking to myself that is pretty cool.  As she reads the names the audience is applauding.  Then she says my son's name.  I'm amazed.  Not that he isn't capable but just the honor of it.  We were so proud.  He received a signed letter, certificate an pin.  What a great surprise.

As I was taking it all in, I was so thankful and appreciative.  I am thankful for the school, teachers, and principal.  I don't think people realize how big of a role they play in helping a child be successful.  My son excelled because of the school he was at. I wish that all kids could have that opportunity.  I wish that education wasn't no low on most people's and the nation's priority list. 

In addition he had a strong support system at home that emphasizes school comes first and rewards hard work and success. Is it easy? No!  It takes a lot of work, to keep up with grades, homework, helping to study, enforcing consequences, and the list goes on.  I wish that all kids could have that as well.

To my honey, I really missed you today.  It really emphasizes your absence when great things happen and I can't share them with you.  Oh how I had wanted you to be at the graduation today.  You would have been so proud.  Of course, M, had the audience rolling.  All the kids just couldn't stop saying how awesome M is.  Especially the little ones.  I know I have bitched about KS and especially JC, but I have to admit it has been a blessing for the kids.  I'm realizing that sometimes there is a rose among the thorns.  You are the best man ever and I love you with all my heart. Oh by the way, I would like to go to CO to visit my friend.

Play Safe, Play Smart

Some Day We'll Laugh - Deployment Daze 250

It's the end of the school year and as with every other school year the kids bring home folders full of school work that they have completed.  Confession time.  I don't keep everything.  If I did I would be buried under mountains of paper.  Oh the trees that have been sacrificed in the name of education.  Anyway, today was the day that it all came home. 

As I was sifting through the stack, I came across stories that my son had wrote.  I was intrigued by their titles so I read them.  I was rolling on the floor laughing almost to the point of tears.  The humor and creativity amazed me.  Not to mention his unique viewpoint on things that had actually taken place.  You see none of the stories were fictional.  Each one was a narrative about something that had truly happened.  At the time these stories took place it wasn't funny.  Looking back now, they are hysterical.  I guess that is how life is.  Sometimes you just have to say, "Someday we'll look back and laugh."

Here is one of those stories:  (Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent)

The Fight That Apparently Needed a Call to 911

It was at my old house, my step-sister (Lil Sis), and my step-brother (Lil Bro) were visiting.  We were all sitting on the couch when my mom and step-dad announced that they were going out to a fancy restaurant to eat dinner.  They told us we needed to be good, that is the typical parent, so we nodded our heads and went our separate ways.  My biological sister (Big sis)went to the computer, Lil Bro and I went up stairs to play LEGOS and Lil Sis went to her room...but not for long.

Lil Bro and I were playing LEGOS when Lil Sis came into our room.  "Can I play?" she asked.  I said, "Sure as long as you don't ruin a ship or destroy the town."  She nodded her head and sat down.  She grabbed the only girl LEGO person and started to walk around.  She went to Lil Bro's character (who was the mechanic) and asked, "Can you build me a ship?"  He replied, "Sue it will cost $400 dollars."  They haggled and she paid $300.  Her ship was built and she flew it around.  That's when things went horribly wrong.

She flew it around too fast and the ship slipped out of her hands and hit Lil Bro right in the face.  Lil Bro had anger issues and he struck her in the mouth.  This progressed violently.  They headed towards the stairs and they went down all 27 steps, falling and trampling over each other.  I was in front of them so I had to run down the steps trying not to get trampled.  I felt like Indiana Jones trying to get away from the boulder that I triggered.  When Big Sis heard the fighting she came over and broke it up.  Lil Sis was really irate, and stormed to her room.  Lil Bro took a lot of damage but nothing serious.  Lil Sis attempted to call her dad but apparently dialed 911 and Big Sis got a call.

"Ma'am how old are you" said the 911 operator."
"Who is this?" requested Big Sis.
"This is the police!"
"WHAT?"
"Ma'am calm down, we received a call from your house.  So what is your name and how old are you?"

Big Sis gave them the information.  After she hung up she called everyone into the living room with her loud strident voice.  "Who called 911?!"  Lil Sis came forward and confessed.  Big Sis said in a strict voice, "I'm going to call you father!"

Lil Sis begged, whined and moaned not to.  When step-dad came home he was red as blood.  "YOU DID WHAT?" he yelled.  Lil Bro and I were upstairs trying not to laugh.  "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!" he yelled again.  I heard Lil Sis small voice say, "I tried to call you."

I heard them talking.  When they got to the part about the fight he called us down stairs and I whispered, "Good Luck."  it was a good thing I came down since I was a bystander and saw everything.  I told step-dad what happened.  He didn't like it.

It was a long night, and after everything was sorted out we went to bed.  The next day Lil Bro and Lil Sis had to hold hands and "like" each other until step-dad was satisfied.

To my honey, I know you remember this event.  It is funny now that we are looking back.  There are many of those interesting moments that we share and I know that there will be many more.  I guess that is what they mean by don't take life too seriously.  I can't imagine sharing those moments with anybody else.  Love you with all my heart.

Play Safe, Play Smart

The Horror of It - Deployment Daze 246

You would think as the end of deployment gets closer it would be a downhill ride.  Everything easier and lighter.  My husband's brigade is starting to come home.  The first group arrived today so the end is near.  That proverbial light at the end of tunnel is shining bright. Yet, I couldn't feel worse.

It is hard to describe this feeling.  I feel farther away from him then when this whole thing started.  Like the long months of deployment have finally taken their toll.  In horror movies, they show someone running down a hall hoping to reach the door at the end.  Yet as they run, the halls seems to stretch longer and longer. No matter how hard they run they'll never make it out.  That's me!  Running.  Trying to get to the end. Watching the hall stretching and the door getting farther away.  Fearing that the door will never be reached.  If the door is not reached soon...it will never open!

What's behind the door? Life!  Just like in the horror movie.  Get out the door you get to live. Stay and your dead.  What's dead?   Maybe a little piece of us or me. I don't know and I don't want to find out.  So I'm running down the hall.  And I'm frustrated, irritated and tired.

You would think it would be easier.  Well it isn't. Two months doesn't sound like a long time when 10 months have already passed. But when YOUR living it, when YOUR running down the hall that never ends,  it seems like forever.

Back at the Beginning - Deployment Daze 239

Said goodbye today...UGH!  Didn't think it would be this hard.  It is just like in the beginning when he first left.  Of course I had to be strong.  Said my goodbyes, kissed and I walked away.  Just couldn't stay to watch him walk through the security check point and onto the tarmac.

Arrived home and was greeted by my wonderful dog who looked at me knowingly with those big brown eyes.  That is when I lost it.  I boo hooed and my dog sat their compassionately and listened.  I'm so ready for this to be over.

I'm tired!  Tired of trying to be so strong, brave, solid.  It's exhausting! Although it is only a couple more months it seems like an eternity.  Once again the loneliness sets in.  Although he drives me crazy sometimes when he is here, the empty space without him is so much worse. 

To my honey, miss you so much.  I spent most of the day cleaning up the house. It was obvious that you were here.  Laundry alone is going to take me at least a week to finish.  Tux is depressed without his buddy to rough house with him.  It will take us a few days to get into some type of normal routine again. The last two weeks were great.  We are looking forward to the time when you can come home to stay.  I plan on picking out some new furniture this weekend and if all goes well starting a exercise routine.  Fly safe and we'll talk soon. Love you!

Play Safe, Play Smart

Whirlwind of Activity - RnR

We're winding down our couple of weeks of RnR. Tomorrow he returns to Iraq.  Whew! It has been a whirlwind of activity.  There hasn't been much time for blogging.  I have thoroughly enjoyed these two weeks although they have been hectic at times.  We accomplished a lot of important to-do items and enjoyed a wonderful statecation. 

My daughter is learning how to drive and with the purchase of a new, used car, she is learning how to drive a standard.  Before long she will have her official license.  (SCARY!)  My hubby is amazingly patient with her.  I don't see how he stays so calm.

We enjoyed many wonderful meals including a wild dinner with his parents, the boyfriend, prom dates and a bachelorette party.  You had to of been there.  Kansas City was an aboslute blast.  The Great Wolf Lodge was so much fun.  Between the indoor waterpark and the MagiQuest, we stayed busy.  All of which would not have been possible without the main man.  We will miss him this summer.

A Moment of Normal - RnR

My hubby is home for two weeks for RnR.  People have been asking me am I glad he is back.  Yes, of course, but it is so much more than that.  It is like a huge weight had been lifted.  I feel relieved.  Not relieved in the sense of fear for his safety. I'm glad he is safe at home, but that has never been a thought that has held me captive.  I'm relieved by his mere presence, the sense of security and partnership.  We were driving in the truck and I thought to myself, I'm not alone anymore.  He is here and everything is how it should be.  It's nice to feel normal again.  My rock, my safety net, my soft place to land has returned.