It's day 30, a month into deployment. It's been a week since I wrote. The days are beginning to meld one into the other. At times I can't tell where one has ended and the other begins. The weather is changing. It is colder now and the leaves have turned to golds and bronzes. We have had several straight days of gloomy, rainy, weather. I find those days particularly hard. It seems with the coming of winter, I find myself lost in a melancholy mood. Not really motivated to accomplish anything. Nothing seems worth my time.
Recently I have been questioning my decision to return to school. Although I find my studies interesting, I am overwhelmed by the scope of what I'm doing. Can I really achieve my PhD? What will I be able to do? Can I really apply what I'm studying and make a difference?
It seems as if my whole life right now is focused on the future and that future is so far away. A year for deployment to end. Two years for a Master's degree. Another two for a Doctorate. It is so massive.
I have a few rays of light in my weeks. Chatting with my hubby is always the highlight of my day. Next to that is Sunday Football. Believe it or not, my fantasy football league keeps me going through the week. I look forward to every Sunday. I don't know what I'll do once football season is over.
To my honey, I enjoy being able to see and talk with you every day. Fantasy football has been so much fun. Even when I let you win last week, it was fun. Can you believe it, Vikings undefeated. How is Dallas again?? All is good here as you know. Homework has mellowed out a little so I have some down time. I don't think that is a good thing for me. It has led to some depressed moments. Anyway, we hit our one month mark. It seems like longer than that and yet it's not long enough to get you closer to home. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy. Does this usually happen at one month? Love you,
Play Safe, Play Smart
Friday, October 16, 2009
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