Back in Time - Deployment Daze 151

As I go through my week, many different thoughts and topics come to mind that I want to blog about. Some are philosophical. Some are just frustrations that I want to rant about. The raw emotion of the moment drive me to want to write about it. After a few days, that desperation wanes and the issue isn't as serious as it seemed. Which can be a good thing because putting some of my thoughts in writing would be not be a good idea. There are those who would not take kindly to what I have to say and extreme drama would ensue. Drama which I don't care to experience.

So as I was trying to decide what to write about, I looked back at my blogs. I started with the first one written on DDay 1 and read every one finishing with last week. Wow! what a journey. Some made me laugh as I recall that moment in time. Others left me thoughtful. And although some of those moments recall painful and tearful times, none of them made me sad.

After reading the blogs from the first few days of deployment, I feel like I have gone back in time. Eventhough we are half way to the end, it seems as if it's the beginning again. Is it suppose to feel this way? Everyone says that it will go by fast now. What a bunch of crap! One year is one year. 365 days no more no less. As I think about the time, it seems like six months has been just that if not longer. And six months more will feel just as long as before.

I truly thought that I would have this sense of relief. That there would be some type of change, a cosmic shift in the universe or something. Nope! Still here. Holidays came and went. Birthdays came and went. And there is no more sense of getting to the finish line then when he left on DDay1.

This experience has been life changing. Now it's old. Been there. Done that. Time for something new. Time to get off this ride. Maybe it's the rut. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe the truth of all that is happening has really hit. All I know is that it feels like I've gone back in time.

To my honey, I re-read my blogs that I have written the last six months. There were many funny moments that made me laugh. It's Valentine's Day and I miss you very much. The flowers you sent were amazing. What truly touched my heart, more than anything, was the beautiful flowers you sent to M. She loved them and it made her feel so special. Thank you for showing her that good guys do exist. Your willingness to accept both kids into your life and be a parent and role model never ceases to amaze me. Oh, I went to the boat today to deal with the ice and experienced an EPIC FAILURE. The cover still has an iceberg in it and it is unhooked from one corner. I've given up. I do not have the muscle power or help to solve the problem. I'll add it to the Honey Do List that is waiting for your return. We're still practicing M's driving which has me terrified on a daily basis. That also is added to your list.

Play Safe, Play Smart