Don't mess with a woman on the edge! What edge? The edge of redeployment...which also means the edge of insanity. What's wrong with me? I have Redeployment Delirium. It is a form of delirium brought on by the slow torture of waiting for your husband to redeploy home.
Delirium: A temporary state of mental confusion. Characterized by anxiety, disorientation, hallucinations, delusions, and incoherent speech. A state of uncontrolled excitement or emotion.
I have experienced everyone of these symptoms. I was wondering why my words, ringing clear in my head, would get all twisted up and come out a complete mess. I sound like a blabbering idiot have the time.
The closer the possible return date approaches the worse the delirium becomes. Although I don't feel anxious, there is a feeling of tension in the air. I don't know how to explain it, except that there is a change in the energy surrounding me. The kids feel it. The dog senses it. I notice that everyone is just a little on edge. Tempers are shorter, emotions are higher and my dog is acting a fool. It seems like there has been a shift in the cosmic force of the universe.
Of course what has led me to this state of mind is the damn Deployment Curse (Curses). Everyday it is something. Some little thing that doesn't go just right. If this deployment doesn't end soon my husband may have to come visit me in a psych ward (not a crazy house type, but more like a resort/spa type). Add to that the limbo that you are forced to endure as you wait.... and wait.... and wait for this unknown, date and time. Knowing it is getting close, yet not knowing "officially" when. No way to make plans. No way to let anyone know. No wonder we're all going crazy.
Sadly, there is no cure for this ailment. No quick fix. No pill. It is has run it's course. So I face everyday with hope and faith as each one brings me one step closer to the end. Closer to normalcy. Until then..... DON'T MESS WITH A WOMAN ON THE EDGE!!
To my honey, I'll let you know if my address has changed to the "Military Wives Nut House Resort and Spa". When you get off the bus come get me, ok?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Curses - Deployment Daze 313
Have I told you I hate grass? I don't get the love affair out here in the Midwest with huge lawns. They are nothing but a waste. Waste of time, energy and water. See where I come from, lawns, if they exist at all, are small. A tiny patch in the front maybe one in the back with built in sprinkler system. It may take four swipes with a mower. Not here in Kansas. Lawns have to be huge. So I hate grass. And let me add I HATE DEPLOYMENT.
This current confession arises from my battle with the lawn mower yesterday. We have a huge yard to mow which includes a steep hill. Add a deployment which means I'm the lucky one to keep it mowed. Throw in a push mower and you can hear me cursing all the way in Iraq. So I try to avoid and put off as long as possible mowing the yard. Every time it rains I curse the sky for making my grass grow. Well deployment is almost over so I can't avoid it any longer.
When deployment is nearing the end everything changes. You want everything to look nice and things to be in order so your husband doesn't have to deal with it when he gets home. I mean the last thing he is going to want to see is 5 ft high grass when he pulls into the driveway. So out came the lawn mower and off I went. Except after maybe four swipes the lawn mower quits. Great! Like I know how to fix a lawn mower. No one told me to take mechanic lessons before he left. So as I pull and pull and pull the damn cord, my self-talk kicks in and it isn't pretty. Everything related to this deployment takes a hit. With every pull..."Stupid government...." "Dumb (beep) President Bush..." "Why didn't HE leave me a (beep) mower that is easy to use!" "I'm too old for this (beep)." "Come on...give me a (beep) break, will ya?" You get the picture. So I dropped to ground, in the middle of my huge back yard, where everyone can see, flat on my back, face to the sky, arms and legs sprawled out, and cried. "Why?" "What did I do to deserve this?"
STOP right there! Hold On! Don't even think it. I'm not some cry baby. Let me back up a little and clarify. I didn't crumble into a blubbering idiot because of this one incident. No. My voyage towards mental meltdown started two weeks ago. The lawn mowing fiasco is one of many disasters that have hit.
You see, there's one thing that will descend upon you during a deployment. Everyone will warn you about it. They even try to prepare you for it with classes and legal paper work. You laugh it off thinking it won't happen to you. (I did.) But, no one escapes unscathed. It's Murphy's Law....what can go wrong will go wrong. I call it the Deployment Curse.
I had been going along fairly smoothly throughout this deployment. No major incidents. Nothing broken, lost, damaged, falling apart, etc. (Well except for the dog almost dying from chocolate see A Little Luck.) But other than that, nothing! Until now. As we near the end of deployment it seems as the whole world is falling apart. A year's worth of the curse all saved up for the last few weeks. About seven things have happened in past two weeks ranging from a car accident in his truck to a coffee flooded break room. So when the lawn mower decided to die that was it. I could take no more. Went into the house, called a lawn service and scheduled a mowing for this week.
Each day that brings me closer to the end of this thing called deployment also brings a sense of apprehension. What next? Needless to say I can't wait for this deployment to be over and exorcise this curse from our lives.
Did I tell you I hate grass?
To my honey, HURRY UP!!!!!
This current confession arises from my battle with the lawn mower yesterday. We have a huge yard to mow which includes a steep hill. Add a deployment which means I'm the lucky one to keep it mowed. Throw in a push mower and you can hear me cursing all the way in Iraq. So I try to avoid and put off as long as possible mowing the yard. Every time it rains I curse the sky for making my grass grow. Well deployment is almost over so I can't avoid it any longer.
When deployment is nearing the end everything changes. You want everything to look nice and things to be in order so your husband doesn't have to deal with it when he gets home. I mean the last thing he is going to want to see is 5 ft high grass when he pulls into the driveway. So out came the lawn mower and off I went. Except after maybe four swipes the lawn mower quits. Great! Like I know how to fix a lawn mower. No one told me to take mechanic lessons before he left. So as I pull and pull and pull the damn cord, my self-talk kicks in and it isn't pretty. Everything related to this deployment takes a hit. With every pull..."Stupid government...." "Dumb (beep) President Bush..." "Why didn't HE leave me a (beep) mower that is easy to use!" "I'm too old for this (beep)." "Come on...give me a (beep) break, will ya?" You get the picture. So I dropped to ground, in the middle of my huge back yard, where everyone can see, flat on my back, face to the sky, arms and legs sprawled out, and cried. "Why?" "What did I do to deserve this?"
STOP right there! Hold On! Don't even think it. I'm not some cry baby. Let me back up a little and clarify. I didn't crumble into a blubbering idiot because of this one incident. No. My voyage towards mental meltdown started two weeks ago. The lawn mowing fiasco is one of many disasters that have hit.
You see, there's one thing that will descend upon you during a deployment. Everyone will warn you about it. They even try to prepare you for it with classes and legal paper work. You laugh it off thinking it won't happen to you. (I did.) But, no one escapes unscathed. It's Murphy's Law....what can go wrong will go wrong. I call it the Deployment Curse.
I had been going along fairly smoothly throughout this deployment. No major incidents. Nothing broken, lost, damaged, falling apart, etc. (Well except for the dog almost dying from chocolate see A Little Luck.) But other than that, nothing! Until now. As we near the end of deployment it seems as the whole world is falling apart. A year's worth of the curse all saved up for the last few weeks. About seven things have happened in past two weeks ranging from a car accident in his truck to a coffee flooded break room. So when the lawn mower decided to die that was it. I could take no more. Went into the house, called a lawn service and scheduled a mowing for this week.
Each day that brings me closer to the end of this thing called deployment also brings a sense of apprehension. What next? Needless to say I can't wait for this deployment to be over and exorcise this curse from our lives.
Did I tell you I hate grass?
To my honey, HURRY UP!!!!!
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