Drinking from an Empty Cup - Deployment Day Three

Woke up this morning thinking it was all a bad dream. Then reality hit and the feeling of emptiness sets in. It is so hard to describe or compare this experience with anything else. Slept most of the morning away. Just can't get motivated to get anything accomplished. Still feeling woozy from the bump on my head. Must of hit it pretty good. Not feeling well is making this a whole lot worse. Or least I try to convince myself of that. Maybe it just that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.


When I heard from my hubby early this morning I felt better. It's always good to hear his voice. However, I am now a slave to the phone. Carrying it around as if I was a toddler with their favorite blanket. How strange to be that venerable.

My will to accomplish the simplest tasks has left me. I look at my unkempt house and the piles of laundry that need washing and fail to see the purpose in getting those things done. It is as if I've lost my purpose. The emptiness is so profound that it is hard to fill with anything else.

I did manage to get dragged out of the house by my neighbor. Which did me a lot of good. I accomplished some homework. Still have a lot to do. If he were here, he would be telling me to suck it up and get busy.

To my honey, the house is not the same without you. Your place on the couch is so empty. The house is so quiet without you. We miss your sarcasm, your unusual humor, the orders that you bark and we ignore, an all the other wonderful, frustrating, and silly dynamics that make up our family. Love you bunches. Waiting patiently for your return.

Play Safe, Play Smart

Welcome to Hell - Deployment Day Two

Today was a complete mess. Early morning I passed out on the bathroom floor. Why? Who the hell knows but I bumped my head pretty good. So I had a headache all day. All through the night and even during the day I was having the strangest deja vu. I mean there were times when it felt like I was dreaming or hallucinating. I think I'm losing my mind. Anyway, ended up going to the doctor for three hours while they ran tests. Nothing wrong with me but maybe a screw loose.

I was beyond loosing it. I was having a mental meltdown. What's the matter with me? I feel like a mental case. Well, eventually made it home and lost it again. I don't think I had dry eyes at all today. I talked to him throughout the day and still I couldn't hold it together. Later this evening, he called me from Canada and I was much better. Maybe it's a combination of everything, work, school, deployment, tiredness that has me so messed up.

To my honey, I missed you something awful today. Everything is going to be fine once we get into our groove. I know your safe and wish you a smooth and blessed journey. You're in my thoughts.

Play Safe, Play Smart

Deployment Day One

Well it's D-Day. Deployment Day One. My honey boarded a bus today and is headed out for a year. What an exhausting experience. Although I have many things that I need to get done, it is hard to get motivated to complete them. I have two papers due for school on Sunday and I find myself unable to put a coherent thought together. Instead I busy myself with mundane, brainless tasks in order to be distracted.

It has been a difficult journey. The career decisions for us both. Family turmoil prior to our move. An economic recession. And now this.

There are moments in life when you reflect on choices made and previous events. This is one of those moments. I realize now that my journey to this point has prepared me for this.

To my honey, I am sadden that you had to leave today. Know that my love goes with you. I will think about you every day and surround you with positive energy so that you may have strength. Please know that we miss you and look forward to your return.

Play Safe, Play Smart