Deployment

My daughter wrote this poem for a writing contest.  She won for her grade level.


Deployment

Sand and Sun

Colors of green and tan

Combat boots

a year lost

An empty house

An empty bed

Where he used to sleep

Civilian clothes collecting dust

Seeing his tired eyes

Through the computer screen

Unable to embrace him

Loneliness deep in his voice

Counting down the days

Till he returns home

Till we can hold him again

Till we can be a family once more

A Glimpse Forward - Deployment Daze 216

Ever experienced a moment when you feel like you are seeing into the future?  I did this weekend.  My teen daughter had a baby.  Now before anyone freaks out, let me clarify by saying it was a class project.  You know, one of those robot babies that simulate the real thing.

The assignment was to care for this baby for the weekend.  So last Friday, I became a grandmother and my daughter a mother.  What an interesting experience.  The intent of the project was to give young adults the experience of having a child and the hard work it takes.  However, its lesson is just not for the teen.  That weekend I learned some things as well. 

I saw my daughter as an adult. What was scarier is she was just like me!  At times I was really proud.  The important lessons I had been trying to teach her showed.  She was nurturing and attentive.  Doing well on the project was important to her.  She took on the whole role.  She cooked dinner, did her chores and took care of the baby.  We even went grocery shopping.  And yes, the baby demanded attention constantly, even at the most inopportune times.

Then there were the habits I wished she hadn't picked up.  Wanting everything to be perfect.  Trying to do too much.  Stressing out as a result.  Not being able to relax.  The habits that haunt me in my adult life I had passed on to my child.  Damn!

The good thing is that I have seen this and can now work towards teaching her coping skills.  This baby project gave me a new insight into myself.  As for my daughter, she has assertively announced that she is not having kids.  I just laughed.

To my honey, you missed out on the baby project.  I'm sure you are really disappointed.  It was amusing to watch.  Not much is going on.  We look forward to seeing you soon.  Hopefully your air travel will go smoothly and not be interupted by the volcano.  The boat is ready to be put in the water and we can't wait to do some fishing.  I've almost finished my paper and most of my school work will be completed soon.  So we'll have lots of time together.

Play Safe, Play Smart

Too Much On the Plate - Deployment Daze 206

My son comes home with a paper from school describing the 5th grade science project requirements. OH NO!  I thought to myself.  Do the schools understand exactly what they are asking?  The timing couldn't have been worst.  Husband deployed so I'm single parenting it right now.  Working and in graduate school which means I too have homework.  In fact two large projects due at the same time as my son's science project.

I know what you're thinking, "It is his project let him do it."  That sounds good in theory.  What people fail to realize is that to complete a fairly decent project the child needs help.  It requires time from the parent to help facilitate and supply the project.  Well, when your limited on time and there is only you it makes for a very stressful situation.

So there I was, two projects due this weekend.  A science project that needed to be started and a whole list of other things that needed to get done.  After a mental meltdown, freak out, and then some deep breathing, I did what any quality parent would do.  Put my homework on hold, rallied the troops, and started the 5th grade science project.  My son, his big sis , her boyfriend, and I got to work.  We conducted the experiment and have our results.  Now just the display has to be put together.

Although I was stressed by the inconvenience, I realize that as a parent some things come first.  There are times, well many times, when you have to sacrifice.  Kids need your time and energy.  It is proven that students who have parents that make school work a priority and actually spend time to work with them are more successful in school.  It is also proven that it impacts their future as an adult.  Too many times I have seen students struggle, not because they can't do the work, but because the adult in their life doesn't put the effort in to help or check.  The child has no support.  If you want your child to be successful in school, you, the parent, must make it a priority.

I know sometimes it can be overwhelming.  I know sometimes the work doesn't make sense.  Nevertheless, the parents actions influence the path the child takes.  I am comforted by the fact that we worked through the difficulties and accomplished what we needed to today.  Science project is half way completed.  And the bonus?  Both my assignments are done as well.

To my honey, sorry that we didn't have much time to talk today.  As you know it was a stressful time.  I was a bit overwhelmed with everything that had to get done.  Thanks for being patient with me.  I miss you very much.  I know you think I'm this superwoman, but honestly, it is time to hang up my cape.  I getting too old for this s***t.  It has been warm here.  I hope the weather stays this way so we can go out on the boat when you're here for RnR.  After today, I'm thinking Mexico might be a great destination for our upcoming family trip!  Lounging by the pool, swimming in the cenote, and a snorkeling day at Xhel-Ha beach.  Back the bags!

The Twilight Zone - Deployment Daze 202

Your traveling through another dimension.  A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind....  You've entered the Twilight Zone. (Not really, it's Kansas)

To some of you these words uttered by Rod Serling will be familiar. If you're to young to know the show, it was a show about ordinary people who found themselves in strange, bizarre and most often scary places.  Places that did not make sense.  Where nothing was how it should be.  People were not how they should be.  Lately that is how I have been feeling.  Disconnected, out of place in the world.  Nothing fits, I don't fit.  For the first time, I truly feel uncomfortable in my life.

Can I put my finger on what it is? Not really.  I don't know if it is the emotional wear and tear of deployment, the isolation, the culture, or what?  I just want to run from this place screaming.  If you were to ask me to explain it I couldn't.  Something is out of place.   I fear now that something is me!

The kids love it here.  They love their school and have great friends.  For them it has been wonderful.  For that I am grateful.  However, that is the nature of the Twilight Zone.  Only the main character is stuck in the other dimension.  So for now I'm stuck.  Stuck inside the journey through the Twilight Zone

To my honey,  RnR can not get here soon enough. I can't believe we finally have official dates.  At least as close to official as you can get with the Army.  Information changes and morphs into something else that sometimes I wonder if I ever knew what was going on in the first place.  Hopefully, we will be enjoying RnR soon and according to plan.  I need some sense of stability, sanity, some normalcy that only you can provide.   I look forward to having some fun!  Oh! Our delivery date got moved up..so baby will be here in two weeks!  I'll let you know how it goes.

Play Safe, Play Smart

The End is Near - Deployment Daze 191

Wow! I just looked back and saw that I hadn't written in almost a month. Has it been that long? I guess with school, kids, work and life stuff..time has slipped away. There have been several time I thought about blogging. Just didn't have enough motivation. Mostly because I have been developing a webpage for a class assignment and that has used up all my desire to be on the computer.

As for deployment, we're almost at RnR. It will be a fun and interesting time. I'm looking forward to exciting adventures.

To my honey, can't wait for RnR. Hopefully your trip will be smooth and uneventful. Oh, the due date is April 23. We're going to have a baby in the house. Isn't that exciting! Talk to you soon Grandpa!

Play Safe, Play Smart

Frozen in Time - Deployment Daze 166

I've missed a week. Just not able to pour forth any words of wisdom or self-revelation. Truth be told, I'm stuck. Stuck in life. Stopped, halted, suspended. FROZEN! that's it frozen in time like the mammoths found by scientists. Perfectly preserved and stopped in mid life. That is where I'm at in this deployment.

This cold hard comparison hit me when I went to the lake to check on the boat. It has snowed a good amount here and that created some issues on our boat. More specifically a huge accumulation of snow on our boat cover which turned into a giant iceberg. Several times we, the kids and I have, have tried to remove it. There was no budging it or breaking it up. It was solid ice. During the day it would melt a little and then refreeze. It was a revolving problem with no end. The cover was slowly sinking towards the boat floor. It was a mess. It is times like this when you really feel the weight of deployment. The helplessness.

So days passed, my state of frozen suspension lingering, I had to go back to lake to pick out our boat slip for the summer. I checked on my iceberg. Yep! Still there. Still frozen. Still a big pain in my ass. Now the carpet was frozen and a complete slippery mess. Slipping and sliding, I chipped away at the iceberg. Pieces would come off but no progress in making it moveable. I was still getting nowhere. I didn't give up though. I knew that I had to be doing some good. Removing any amount of ice was progress. Then it happened! The huge block of ice moved. It slid. I could manipulate it enough to slide it out the door and let it fall to the ground.

I was on a mission now. There was hope! I was going to shove this iceberg off the side no matter what. I pushed and slipped. Pushed and slipped. It wasn't easy at all. And then when I thought that it wasn't going to go any farther, it slid enough over the edge that gravity took over. It fell off the side and hit the ground with a huge "THUD" Didn't even shatter. Just one giant piece of ice sitting on the ground.

SUCCESS!!! I was so excited and proud of myself. Although personally I'm still frozen in my own iceberg, I know that every effort to chip away at my cold prison is worth it. Each day moves us closer to end of this deployment. Each day breaks up the ice. One day the door will open and my frozen encasement will slide right off. Time will move forward. Life will move forward. And this experience will be moment in history, preserved like the frozen mammoths.

To my honey, well I have the boat squared away. We have an awesome slip for when you're here on RnR. I removed the iceberg using my superpowers of course. I know you thought it was funny when you watched the video. As you can see your presence is missed greatly. Could have really used your muscles on that one. The sun shows itself every now and then. I'm so sick of snow, cold, and being alone. God! Just the description of it is enough to send me screaming. The absolute loneliness combined with the depressing weather..UGH! I've been working out on the treadmill and have now started sit-ups and planks. Not much fun in those. Love you..hope to see you soon.

Play Safe, Play Smart

Back in Time - Deployment Daze 151

As I go through my week, many different thoughts and topics come to mind that I want to blog about. Some are philosophical. Some are just frustrations that I want to rant about. The raw emotion of the moment drive me to want to write about it. After a few days, that desperation wanes and the issue isn't as serious as it seemed. Which can be a good thing because putting some of my thoughts in writing would be not be a good idea. There are those who would not take kindly to what I have to say and extreme drama would ensue. Drama which I don't care to experience.

So as I was trying to decide what to write about, I looked back at my blogs. I started with the first one written on DDay 1 and read every one finishing with last week. Wow! what a journey. Some made me laugh as I recall that moment in time. Others left me thoughtful. And although some of those moments recall painful and tearful times, none of them made me sad.

After reading the blogs from the first few days of deployment, I feel like I have gone back in time. Eventhough we are half way to the end, it seems as if it's the beginning again. Is it suppose to feel this way? Everyone says that it will go by fast now. What a bunch of crap! One year is one year. 365 days no more no less. As I think about the time, it seems like six months has been just that if not longer. And six months more will feel just as long as before.

I truly thought that I would have this sense of relief. That there would be some type of change, a cosmic shift in the universe or something. Nope! Still here. Holidays came and went. Birthdays came and went. And there is no more sense of getting to the finish line then when he left on DDay1.

This experience has been life changing. Now it's old. Been there. Done that. Time for something new. Time to get off this ride. Maybe it's the rut. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe the truth of all that is happening has really hit. All I know is that it feels like I've gone back in time.

To my honey, I re-read my blogs that I have written the last six months. There were many funny moments that made me laugh. It's Valentine's Day and I miss you very much. The flowers you sent were amazing. What truly touched my heart, more than anything, was the beautiful flowers you sent to M. She loved them and it made her feel so special. Thank you for showing her that good guys do exist. Your willingness to accept both kids into your life and be a parent and role model never ceases to amaze me. Oh, I went to the boat today to deal with the ice and experienced an EPIC FAILURE. The cover still has an iceberg in it and it is unhooked from one corner. I've given up. I do not have the muscle power or help to solve the problem. I'll add it to the Honey Do List that is waiting for your return. We're still practicing M's driving which has me terrified on a daily basis. That also is added to your list.

Play Safe, Play Smart