Wow! I just looked back and saw that I hadn't written in almost a month. Has it been that long? I guess with school, kids, work and life stuff..time has slipped away. There have been several time I thought about blogging. Just didn't have enough motivation. Mostly because I have been developing a webpage for a class assignment and that has used up all my desire to be on the computer.
As for deployment, we're almost at RnR. It will be a fun and interesting time. I'm looking forward to exciting adventures.
To my honey, can't wait for RnR. Hopefully your trip will be smooth and uneventful. Oh, the due date is April 23. We're going to have a baby in the house. Isn't that exciting! Talk to you soon Grandpa!
Play Safe, Play Smart
Friday, March 26, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Frozen in Time - Deployment Daze 166
I've missed a week. Just not able to pour forth any words of wisdom or self-revelation. Truth be told, I'm stuck. Stuck in life. Stopped, halted, suspended. FROZEN! that's it frozen in time like the mammoths found by scientists. Perfectly preserved and stopped in mid life. That is where I'm at in this deployment.
This cold hard comparison hit me when I went to the lake to check on the boat. It has snowed a good amount here and that created some issues on our boat. More specifically a huge accumulation of snow on our boat cover which turned into a giant iceberg. Several times we, the kids and I have, have tried to remove it. There was no budging it or breaking it up. It was solid ice. During the day it would melt a little and then refreeze. It was a revolving problem with no end. The cover was slowly sinking towards the boat floor. It was a mess. It is times like this when you really feel the weight of deployment. The helplessness.
So days passed, my state of frozen suspension lingering, I had to go back to lake to pick out our boat slip for the summer. I checked on my iceberg. Yep! Still there. Still frozen. Still a big pain in my ass. Now the carpet was frozen and a complete slippery mess. Slipping and sliding, I chipped away at the iceberg. Pieces would come off but no progress in making it moveable. I was still getting nowhere. I didn't give up though. I knew that I had to be doing some good. Removing any amount of ice was progress. Then it happened! The huge block of ice moved. It slid. I could manipulate it enough to slide it out the door and let it fall to the ground.
I was on a mission now. There was hope! I was going to shove this iceberg off the side no matter what. I pushed and slipped. Pushed and slipped. It wasn't easy at all. And then when I thought that it wasn't going to go any farther, it slid enough over the edge that gravity took over. It fell off the side and hit the ground with a huge "THUD" Didn't even shatter. Just one giant piece of ice sitting on the ground.
SUCCESS!!! I was so excited and proud of myself. Although personally I'm still frozen in my own iceberg, I know that every effort to chip away at my cold prison is worth it. Each day moves us closer to end of this deployment. Each day breaks up the ice. One day the door will open and my frozen encasement will slide right off. Time will move forward. Life will move forward. And this experience will be moment in history, preserved like the frozen mammoths.
To my honey, well I have the boat squared away. We have an awesome slip for when you're here on RnR. I removed the iceberg using my superpowers of course. I know you thought it was funny when you watched the video. As you can see your presence is missed greatly. Could have really used your muscles on that one. The sun shows itself every now and then. I'm so sick of snow, cold, and being alone. God! Just the description of it is enough to send me screaming. The absolute loneliness combined with the depressing weather..UGH! I've been working out on the treadmill and have now started sit-ups and planks. Not much fun in those. Love you..hope to see you soon.
Play Safe, Play Smart
This cold hard comparison hit me when I went to the lake to check on the boat. It has snowed a good amount here and that created some issues on our boat. More specifically a huge accumulation of snow on our boat cover which turned into a giant iceberg. Several times we, the kids and I have, have tried to remove it. There was no budging it or breaking it up. It was solid ice. During the day it would melt a little and then refreeze. It was a revolving problem with no end. The cover was slowly sinking towards the boat floor. It was a mess. It is times like this when you really feel the weight of deployment. The helplessness.
So days passed, my state of frozen suspension lingering, I had to go back to lake to pick out our boat slip for the summer. I checked on my iceberg. Yep! Still there. Still frozen. Still a big pain in my ass. Now the carpet was frozen and a complete slippery mess. Slipping and sliding, I chipped away at the iceberg. Pieces would come off but no progress in making it moveable. I was still getting nowhere. I didn't give up though. I knew that I had to be doing some good. Removing any amount of ice was progress. Then it happened! The huge block of ice moved. It slid. I could manipulate it enough to slide it out the door and let it fall to the ground.
I was on a mission now. There was hope! I was going to shove this iceberg off the side no matter what. I pushed and slipped. Pushed and slipped. It wasn't easy at all. And then when I thought that it wasn't going to go any farther, it slid enough over the edge that gravity took over. It fell off the side and hit the ground with a huge "THUD" Didn't even shatter. Just one giant piece of ice sitting on the ground.
SUCCESS!!! I was so excited and proud of myself. Although personally I'm still frozen in my own iceberg, I know that every effort to chip away at my cold prison is worth it. Each day moves us closer to end of this deployment. Each day breaks up the ice. One day the door will open and my frozen encasement will slide right off. Time will move forward. Life will move forward. And this experience will be moment in history, preserved like the frozen mammoths.
To my honey, well I have the boat squared away. We have an awesome slip for when you're here on RnR. I removed the iceberg using my superpowers of course. I know you thought it was funny when you watched the video. As you can see your presence is missed greatly. Could have really used your muscles on that one. The sun shows itself every now and then. I'm so sick of snow, cold, and being alone. God! Just the description of it is enough to send me screaming. The absolute loneliness combined with the depressing weather..UGH! I've been working out on the treadmill and have now started sit-ups and planks. Not much fun in those. Love you..hope to see you soon.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Back in Time - Deployment Daze 151
As I go through my week, many different thoughts and topics come to mind that I want to blog about. Some are philosophical. Some are just frustrations that I want to rant about. The raw emotion of the moment drive me to want to write about it. After a few days, that desperation wanes and the issue isn't as serious as it seemed. Which can be a good thing because putting some of my thoughts in writing would be not be a good idea. There are those who would not take kindly to what I have to say and extreme drama would ensue. Drama which I don't care to experience.
So as I was trying to decide what to write about, I looked back at my blogs. I started with the first one written on DDay 1 and read every one finishing with last week. Wow! what a journey. Some made me laugh as I recall that moment in time. Others left me thoughtful. And although some of those moments recall painful and tearful times, none of them made me sad.
After reading the blogs from the first few days of deployment, I feel like I have gone back in time. Eventhough we are half way to the end, it seems as if it's the beginning again. Is it suppose to feel this way? Everyone says that it will go by fast now. What a bunch of crap! One year is one year. 365 days no more no less. As I think about the time, it seems like six months has been just that if not longer. And six months more will feel just as long as before.
I truly thought that I would have this sense of relief. That there would be some type of change, a cosmic shift in the universe or something. Nope! Still here. Holidays came and went. Birthdays came and went. And there is no more sense of getting to the finish line then when he left on DDay1.
This experience has been life changing. Now it's old. Been there. Done that. Time for something new. Time to get off this ride. Maybe it's the rut. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe the truth of all that is happening has really hit. All I know is that it feels like I've gone back in time.
To my honey, I re-read my blogs that I have written the last six months. There were many funny moments that made me laugh. It's Valentine's Day and I miss you very much. The flowers you sent were amazing. What truly touched my heart, more than anything, was the beautiful flowers you sent to M. She loved them and it made her feel so special. Thank you for showing her that good guys do exist. Your willingness to accept both kids into your life and be a parent and role model never ceases to amaze me. Oh, I went to the boat today to deal with the ice and experienced an EPIC FAILURE. The cover still has an iceberg in it and it is unhooked from one corner. I've given up. I do not have the muscle power or help to solve the problem. I'll add it to the Honey Do List that is waiting for your return. We're still practicing M's driving which has me terrified on a daily basis. That also is added to your list.
Play Safe, Play Smart
So as I was trying to decide what to write about, I looked back at my blogs. I started with the first one written on DDay 1 and read every one finishing with last week. Wow! what a journey. Some made me laugh as I recall that moment in time. Others left me thoughtful. And although some of those moments recall painful and tearful times, none of them made me sad.
After reading the blogs from the first few days of deployment, I feel like I have gone back in time. Eventhough we are half way to the end, it seems as if it's the beginning again. Is it suppose to feel this way? Everyone says that it will go by fast now. What a bunch of crap! One year is one year. 365 days no more no less. As I think about the time, it seems like six months has been just that if not longer. And six months more will feel just as long as before.
I truly thought that I would have this sense of relief. That there would be some type of change, a cosmic shift in the universe or something. Nope! Still here. Holidays came and went. Birthdays came and went. And there is no more sense of getting to the finish line then when he left on DDay1.
This experience has been life changing. Now it's old. Been there. Done that. Time for something new. Time to get off this ride. Maybe it's the rut. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe the truth of all that is happening has really hit. All I know is that it feels like I've gone back in time.
To my honey, I re-read my blogs that I have written the last six months. There were many funny moments that made me laugh. It's Valentine's Day and I miss you very much. The flowers you sent were amazing. What truly touched my heart, more than anything, was the beautiful flowers you sent to M. She loved them and it made her feel so special. Thank you for showing her that good guys do exist. Your willingness to accept both kids into your life and be a parent and role model never ceases to amaze me. Oh, I went to the boat today to deal with the ice and experienced an EPIC FAILURE. The cover still has an iceberg in it and it is unhooked from one corner. I've given up. I do not have the muscle power or help to solve the problem. I'll add it to the Honey Do List that is waiting for your return. We're still practicing M's driving which has me terrified on a daily basis. That also is added to your list.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Why oh "Y" - Deployment Daze 143
I always had this theory, even thought about writing a book, about why guys do the things they do. You know what I mean....the stories are everywhere. Sex and City, He Just Not that Into You, they all use this topic as their main theme. The stories of never calling, breaking up in an email or post-it, all of sudden not talking to you, etc. Out of the blue weird behavior. I blame it on the Y chromosome. It's the Y factor and every guy has it and gets it. There just ain't no stopping it.
You see no one told me that you would get to experience or relive dating hell when you have a teenage daughter. It's true. As my daughter experiences the let downs of dealing with boys, I feel it too. How do you explain why a boy just stops talking to her? How do you help her overcome the humiliating and damaging feelings when the guy blames her? Not to mention the buried feelings you have yourself that rise to surface from your past. It is really difficult.
If as a teenage girl you are subject to this jerk like behavior then no wonder we turn out the way we do. Why are guys so surprised as adults that women are untrusting, clingy, nagging, etc.? They made us this way by their treatment of us in high school. Their dumb ass behavior just made it worse for some guy in the future.
So I guess the best advice I can give, is blame it on the Y factor. It's nothing personal. It's not about you. It's their issue. The guy! The one with the defective chromosome. They can't help it. It's in their genes. Handed down from generation to generation.
To my honey, yes you have the Y factor. I'm sure in your earlier days your Y factor created a dating hell for some poor girl. And there are times when I have to remind myself that it is the Y factor I'm dealing with. I still love you Y factor and all. I missed you alot when you were out on mission these past few days. I am looking forward to you being home for RnR soon. Hope you enjoy your Valentine's gift. Life is going according to plan. Nothing major to report.
Play Safe, Play Smart
You see no one told me that you would get to experience or relive dating hell when you have a teenage daughter. It's true. As my daughter experiences the let downs of dealing with boys, I feel it too. How do you explain why a boy just stops talking to her? How do you help her overcome the humiliating and damaging feelings when the guy blames her? Not to mention the buried feelings you have yourself that rise to surface from your past. It is really difficult.
If as a teenage girl you are subject to this jerk like behavior then no wonder we turn out the way we do. Why are guys so surprised as adults that women are untrusting, clingy, nagging, etc.? They made us this way by their treatment of us in high school. Their dumb ass behavior just made it worse for some guy in the future.
So I guess the best advice I can give, is blame it on the Y factor. It's nothing personal. It's not about you. It's their issue. The guy! The one with the defective chromosome. They can't help it. It's in their genes. Handed down from generation to generation.
To my honey, yes you have the Y factor. I'm sure in your earlier days your Y factor created a dating hell for some poor girl. And there are times when I have to remind myself that it is the Y factor I'm dealing with. I still love you Y factor and all. I missed you alot when you were out on mission these past few days. I am looking forward to you being home for RnR soon. Hope you enjoy your Valentine's gift. Life is going according to plan. Nothing major to report.
Play Safe, Play Smart
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Techno Blame Game
I'm studying Educational Computing and Online Learning. We do a lot of discussion about technology and education. Using technology in the public school setting is not an easy task and today's students utilize technology like the previous generation use a pencil. It is an intrinsic and natural tool for them. Sharing information is the norm and collaborating with others is how you get things done.
We talk alot about how public schools are missing the mark. Many schools block the very web tools that students use or need to learn for the real world. Adults in general, parents included, fail to teach how to navigate the technology. Instead they block it. Deciding that if they can't access it then that will protect them. Protect them from what? Themselves? Evil People? What happens when these kids are on their own and have no knowledge or self-discipline to protect themselves? Do we not teach how to drive before letting them loose with a car? Do we not teach how to be safe when playing outside or going out? Why is this any different?
It is easy to place blame on sites like Facebook (FB) or MySpace (MYS). However these sites have policies and recommendations in place to promote privacy and safety. Unfortunately many adults ignore these and even worse allow their children to ignore them. Meaning they either allow their children to violate the policies or they don't teach appropriate internet use. Did you know that both FB and MYS have minimum age requirements? Why? Probably because it does take a level of maturity to participate appropriately on social networking sites. Did you know that it is illegal to post hurtful, harassing or bullying comments? Do you know how to recognize bully or predatory behavior? Do you know what intellectual property is? There are many concepts of internet safety and online citizenship that need to be taught. Today student need those lessons and they need the guidance from the adults in their life. Why is it so important?
This story and many like it are why?
Cyberbullying Blamed for Teen's Suicide - ABC News
This kind of stuff just pisses me off! When parents and other adults don't teach kids how to appropriately use the web and monitor what is being done things like this happen. It's not FB or MYS that is the problem. Know the rules of internet usage, rights, responsibilities, and privacy.
Just telling kids not to go there or do that isn't enough. They have to be able to use the tools and yes, that means if your adult then you will have to do some work. Work to teach them how to use the tools. Tell them what is expected. Sit with them. Oh here is a hard one ROLE MODEL. If the adult can't be appropriate on a site then how do you expect the child to be? They watch and read everything you do?
Be mindful of age. Just because an older sibling has something that doesn't mean the younger sibling has to have it. Certain things come with age. They need to earn the privileges. Low performance in school may mean no FB.
Here is the kicker. When they cross the line or do something inappropriate. Done! Adios! If they can't handle it, then they're not mature enough..take them off.
I know what a shocker. If this pisses you off too bad. Truth hurts.
We talk alot about how public schools are missing the mark. Many schools block the very web tools that students use or need to learn for the real world. Adults in general, parents included, fail to teach how to navigate the technology. Instead they block it. Deciding that if they can't access it then that will protect them. Protect them from what? Themselves? Evil People? What happens when these kids are on their own and have no knowledge or self-discipline to protect themselves? Do we not teach how to drive before letting them loose with a car? Do we not teach how to be safe when playing outside or going out? Why is this any different?
It is easy to place blame on sites like Facebook (FB) or MySpace (MYS). However these sites have policies and recommendations in place to promote privacy and safety. Unfortunately many adults ignore these and even worse allow their children to ignore them. Meaning they either allow their children to violate the policies or they don't teach appropriate internet use. Did you know that both FB and MYS have minimum age requirements? Why? Probably because it does take a level of maturity to participate appropriately on social networking sites. Did you know that it is illegal to post hurtful, harassing or bullying comments? Do you know how to recognize bully or predatory behavior? Do you know what intellectual property is? There are many concepts of internet safety and online citizenship that need to be taught. Today student need those lessons and they need the guidance from the adults in their life. Why is it so important?
This story and many like it are why?
Cyberbullying Blamed for Teen's Suicide - ABC News
This kind of stuff just pisses me off! When parents and other adults don't teach kids how to appropriately use the web and monitor what is being done things like this happen. It's not FB or MYS that is the problem. Know the rules of internet usage, rights, responsibilities, and privacy.
Just telling kids not to go there or do that isn't enough. They have to be able to use the tools and yes, that means if your adult then you will have to do some work. Work to teach them how to use the tools. Tell them what is expected. Sit with them. Oh here is a hard one ROLE MODEL. If the adult can't be appropriate on a site then how do you expect the child to be? They watch and read everything you do?
Be mindful of age. Just because an older sibling has something that doesn't mean the younger sibling has to have it. Certain things come with age. They need to earn the privileges. Low performance in school may mean no FB.
Here is the kicker. When they cross the line or do something inappropriate. Done! Adios! If they can't handle it, then they're not mature enough..take them off.
I know what a shocker. If this pisses you off too bad. Truth hurts.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Crazy Busy - Deployment Daze 134
Ok, so I skipped a week. Just couldn't find the motivation to blog. With the loss by the Vikings, I found myself lost. Now what? No more football? The one thing I look forward to on the weekends was my Sunday football. Nevertheless, my weekend and weeks have been crazy busy.
My son celebrated his 11th birthday with a party followed by soccer. Tons of fun but exhausting. My Sunday of relaxation turned into a stressed out affair with the nail biting Vikings vs. Saints game. Then back to the daily grind of the week.
School of course is a place that I thrive. Studying change theory in one class and developing a project plan for a website in another. Yep! I will have my own website. Starting with something small. A simple family site where immediate family and select friends can log on and see the happenings of the Brown Clan from Kansas. Still working on a catchy name. Now my mom can keep up-to-date with everyone and not stress about being on MySpace. If this web site is successful then I might venture to create a more public one for all my Fx peeps. We'll have to see.
Alot more is mov'n and shak'n with where I'm at and where I'm going. I have some critical decisions to make regarding my role in life. Just don't know if I'm ready to take on so much responsibility. I've always wanted to be an important player within this area and provide the leadership and support needed. Just now that the opportunity has presented itself, not quite sure if I'm ready. Be careful what you wish for.
As we move into our 6 month of deployment, I find that emotionally I'm back at Day 1. It seems not be getting easier , but harder and more stressful. I'm sadden by the loneliness. Will is ever come to an end? The kids are even feeling the strain. They show it in different ways through poetry, drawings, little sayings. I guess that is their mode for handling it.
To my honey, we all miss you very much. Skype no longer can compensate for you not being with us. I'm ready for this to be done. Still not sure about my decision. I so afraid that I will fail or not be able to handle what needs to be accomplished. The "What if" keeps me from taking that leap of faith. We're all trudging forward one step at a time. Love you lots.
Play Safe, Play Smart.
My son celebrated his 11th birthday with a party followed by soccer. Tons of fun but exhausting. My Sunday of relaxation turned into a stressed out affair with the nail biting Vikings vs. Saints game. Then back to the daily grind of the week.
School of course is a place that I thrive. Studying change theory in one class and developing a project plan for a website in another. Yep! I will have my own website. Starting with something small. A simple family site where immediate family and select friends can log on and see the happenings of the Brown Clan from Kansas. Still working on a catchy name. Now my mom can keep up-to-date with everyone and not stress about being on MySpace. If this web site is successful then I might venture to create a more public one for all my Fx peeps. We'll have to see.
Alot more is mov'n and shak'n with where I'm at and where I'm going. I have some critical decisions to make regarding my role in life. Just don't know if I'm ready to take on so much responsibility. I've always wanted to be an important player within this area and provide the leadership and support needed. Just now that the opportunity has presented itself, not quite sure if I'm ready. Be careful what you wish for.
As we move into our 6 month of deployment, I find that emotionally I'm back at Day 1. It seems not be getting easier , but harder and more stressful. I'm sadden by the loneliness. Will is ever come to an end? The kids are even feeling the strain. They show it in different ways through poetry, drawings, little sayings. I guess that is their mode for handling it.
To my honey, we all miss you very much. Skype no longer can compensate for you not being with us. I'm ready for this to be done. Still not sure about my decision. I so afraid that I will fail or not be able to handle what needs to be accomplished. The "What if" keeps me from taking that leap of faith. We're all trudging forward one step at a time. Love you lots.
Play Safe, Play Smart.
Monday, January 18, 2010
What a Difference a Day Makes - Deployment Daze 124
It's amazing how a few days can change everything. Last week I was on the edge of cliff and now I'm clearly on the other side. My week has been busy and eventful. Work is actually keeping me busy and challenged which is what I need. It is starting to look like something I could enjoy. I have been offered some new responsibilities that are in line with my graduate program no I'm very excited.
The biggest event happened this weekend with my daughters 16th birthday. Wow! Sweet 16. I still can't believe it. We had a great time. Her party went well. I'm so glad she has a good group of friends. After the party we had indoor soccer for my son so it was a busy Saturday.
Then of course it's football Sunday. One I had been looking forward to all week. Cowboys vs Vikings. Husband vs Wife. Well we all know how that turned out. Vikings move on, Cowboys go home. It was such a stomping that I refrain from talking too much smack. There just comes a point when smack talking isn't appropriate and what's happening on the feel is more of an embarrassment.
So all in all I had a good week.
To my honey, we really missed you this weekend at the Sweet 16 birthday. I'm sorry that your Cowboys didn't win. I just have to say, GO VIKINGS! and sing and dance..I'm so excited, that I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I just can't hide it. Back to the real world of work. Can't wait for you to come home. Love you!
Play Safe, Play Smart
The biggest event happened this weekend with my daughters 16th birthday. Wow! Sweet 16. I still can't believe it. We had a great time. Her party went well. I'm so glad she has a good group of friends. After the party we had indoor soccer for my son so it was a busy Saturday.
Then of course it's football Sunday. One I had been looking forward to all week. Cowboys vs Vikings. Husband vs Wife. Well we all know how that turned out. Vikings move on, Cowboys go home. It was such a stomping that I refrain from talking too much smack. There just comes a point when smack talking isn't appropriate and what's happening on the feel is more of an embarrassment.
So all in all I had a good week.
To my honey, we really missed you this weekend at the Sweet 16 birthday. I'm sorry that your Cowboys didn't win. I just have to say, GO VIKINGS! and sing and dance..I'm so excited, that I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I just can't hide it. Back to the real world of work. Can't wait for you to come home. Love you!
Play Safe, Play Smart
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